Once Upon A Time
by Misstress Vitani
Summary: Just a fairytale that has a crossdressing Jesse, and insane Jaden weidling a pointy stick and crack......lots and lots of crack! This is what I like to call a CRACK FAIRYTALE!


Once Upon A Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing….

My friend inspired me to write this after she wrote her own fairytale. It wasn't a crack fairytale like this one but it still was pretty funny.

Character List 

Narrator – Me

King – Zane

Queen – Alexis

Princess – Jesse

Prince/Knight – Jaden

Princes' sidekick – Syrus

Witch – Atticus

Dragon - Chazz

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Me – Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far, away there lived a king, queen, and a princess.

Jesse – Prince!

Me – whatever! The princess was a beautiful transvestite(1)…

Jesse – Hey!

ME - …with short turquoise colored hair and shining emerald green eyes. The princess was kind and caring and loved her people very much. 'She' was also eager to take her mother's place but before that, she had to marry… ((glares evilly at Jaden))

Jaden – ((gulps))

Me – …and King Zane had already chosen the handsome Prince Jaden to marry his only daughter.

Jesse – Son!

Me – whatever! Anyway! King Zane summoned his _**daughter **_to him.

Zane – ((looking mortified)) Jesse! Come hither!

Jesse – ((walks out grumbling in a frilly blue dress with white lace)) yes father?

Zane – I have chosen your husband. Now go get ready to meet him.

Jesse – Yes _**Daddy**_…

Me – So Princess Jesse went off to get ready to meet his…I-I mean _**her **_future husband. But as she was making ready an evil witch appeared. ((waits))

Jesse – ((looks around))

Me – Ahem…an evil witch appeared…??

Jesse – ((still looking around))

Me – AN EVIL WITCH APPEARED!!! ((points at witch who is crouched in the corner eating candy))

Atticus – oh wait! That's me!

Jesse – ((slaps forehead)) Duh…

Atticus – ((jumps on Jesse)) I WILL GET YOU MY PRETTY!!

Jesse – ((runs around screaming)) Rape! RAPE!!

Me – ((cough, cough)) the witch, jealous of the princess' beauty…but I don't know why he was jealous. I mean Atticus is drop dead gorgeous. But well, Jesse is pretty hott himself, well, I guess they both are hot but…

Atticus & Jesse – Ahem!

Me - …oh! Right! The witch, jealous of the princess' beauty, decided to kidnap her and lock her in a tower guarded by a dragon...

Atticus – Very original…

Me – ((glares at Atticus))

Atticus – ((grabs Jesse and runs))

Me – now the dragon was fierce and guarded the tower well…

Chazz – Roar…roar…

Me – Oh come on! With feeling!

Chazz – ((sighs)) ROAR!!!

Me – YAY!! Anywho…the princess' suitor came and when he could not find the Princess he ran to the king.

Jaden – ((walking))

Me – I SAID RUN DAMNIT! ((chases him with chainsaw))

Jaden – ((runs straight into Zane))

Zane - ….owwwww……..

Jaden – K-king Zane is it true that the Princess…

Jesse – ((from tower)) PRINCE!!

Whatever – Whatever! Has Jesse been kidnapped?

Zane – yes

Alexis – ((over dramatically)) will you save our daughter??

Jesse – ((from tower)) ARRRGGHHH!!!

Alexis – ((glomps Jaden))

Jaden – s-sure but please don't suffocate me.

Alexis – sorry…

Me – and so…Jaden called to his sidekick and off they went to slay the dragon…

Chazz - ……Zzzzzzz….

Me – Ahem….Dragon stupid! Dragon!

Chazz – Huh? Oh, Roar!

Me – thank you.

Jaden – Lets go Sy! We have to save the Princess!

Syrus – whatever…

Me – so Jaden hopped aboard his faithful sidekick and off the road. They traveled far and wide until the heard the cries of a beautiful transvestite…I mean…maiden.

Jesse – help…..help….oh help….please….someone help….

Me – ((glares at Jesse) with feeling!!!

Jesse – ((glares back)) HELP!! OH SOMEBODY FREAKIN' HELP ME! NOW! GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW GOD DAMNIT! There? Happy now?

Me – yes, thank you.

Jaden – I hear the cry of my future wife!

Syrus – good now can you get off of me?

Jaden – oh, sorry Sy.

Me – so Jaden ran off to fight the dragon.

Jaden – I have come to fight thee! ((stabs Chazz with a pointy stick))

Chazz – OW!! You little….

Me – ((glares))

Chazz – I mean…ow!! My poor dragon heart. ((falls over))

Me – then the brave prince ran up to the highest room in the tallest tower.

Jaden – Princess!! ((runs into door)) OW! ((opens door)) Princess

Jesse – OH MY HERO!!! ((glomps Jaden))

Jaden – ((picks Jesse up bridal style and carries him down the stairs)) SYRUS!!

Syrus – WHAT??!!

Jaden – ((jumps on top of Syrus with Jesse still in his arms)) TO THE KINGDOM!! AWAY!!!

Jesse – MY HERO!!!!

ME – the pair and the princess went back to the kingdom and Jesse and Jaden were untied in marriage.

Zane – I now pronounce you man and transvestite…you may kiss the bride.

Me – and with a simple kiss…Jaden's fate was sealed. RUN JADEN!! RUN!!

(LOL Just Kidding!))

THE END!!

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(1) Jesse isn't really a transvestite...he's just kinda girly...but i LOVE HIM TO DEATH!!

LOL...i really like the way this turned out!!

READ AND REVIEW!!!!


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